BETTER QUESTIONS FOR BREAKING THE ICE.
There's an art to good icebreakers. Here's how I think about fostering space that leads to real connection in remote teams. And a plug-and-play template you can try with yours.
If you lead a team and dare to do anything that even resembles an ice breaker, someone will suddenly become very interested in their inbox. And at least one person will say, “I hate ice breakers.” There’s always one. Or ten.
And yet…I am undeterred.
Why? Because five minutes spent on a video call of "conversation starters", "meeting jump-starts"—call them whatever you want—can remind people that there are real humans behind the screens. It can keep us from sliding into silos of purely transactional interactions.
One of my favorite ways to do this, is to kick off a group call with something I call ‘The Question Menu’. It's simply a set of eight or ten fun or interesting questions. The idea is that hopefully at least one of the questions on the menu will feel easy and inviting for each person to answer.
I first started using these in hybrid meetings where it often felt like there was disconnect between folks that worked on the same projects but didn’t generally have much face-to-face time to make connections. It turned out to be a lively and low-lift way to bridge both worlds at the start of the call, that had ripple out even after it was over.
Here’s my recipe for building a question menu. I try to choose questions that are:
Open-Ended: People can choose any question that resonates if they want to contribute without any put-on-the-spot pressure. None of us wants to look silly or unprepared in front of our colleagues, especially if there's not already established trust. Offering a selection gives the steering wheel to each person and allows for conversations to flow more naturally as a result. (Honestly, I think the #1 reason people say they “hate ice breakers” is not that they don't want to connect with their colleagues, it's that they dread that uncomfortable spotlight moment. Who wouldn't!)
Reality-Based: There are no, “What kind of cereal would you be if you were a cereal?” stumper questions. (This is probably reason #2 people hate icebreakers. Abstract prompts can frustrate or exclude, especially for some neurodivergent colleagues. Questions that get at lived experiences and opinions can make it more inclusive.)
Personal, but Not Too Personal: Bring your movie recs and dog photos, but leave your deepest fears at the door. Think coffee-break conversation—not anything that could quickly turn into group therapy.
I tee up this time of sharing so people know they don't have to share if they don't want to. But I'm telling you, I’ve seen the ice breaker-haters light up when they hear their colleagues share, and suddenly, we all know they’re binging Love Island!
It might seem ridiculous in the moment, but these tiny touch-points help build the connectivity that serves all other aspects of what people create together in their work. That connectivity matters.
Every team is different. But if your remote or hybrid team is struggling to feel connected, try making a Question Menu for your next group meeting. To make it extra easy on you, I’m sharing my November questions with you here. You can find the editable template at the link below. Adapt it to edit it to meet your needs and I’d love to hear your experience if you try it!