Feeling Seen Through a Screen

Every November at a company where I used to work, names are drawn for a small opt-in year-end gift exchange. We’re talking little baubles, treats…that kind of thing. The team is spread out all over the country, so the drawing for gift-giving pairs takes place on a video call. This event feels a little like the NBA draft, except much more festive and with a bunch of corporate professionals of average height.*

*I say that, but who would could really be sure about the height thing? I've not met most of these colleagues in person and have only ever seen most of them on video calls. For all I know, some of them could very well be professional basketball-player-feet-tall.

Anyways, when the big day for the exchange arrives, we each would do our best attempt at a live unboxing video, taking turns unwrapping our gifts on a video call.

One year, while the person I had sent a gift to carefully opened it on camera, someone on the call said, "That wrapping job is SO Annie!!" while others came off mute to chime in, "That IS so Annie!".

I cannot remember what the wrap job looked like that was evidently so me, but I haven't forgotten that moment.

What struck me was that this virtual call full of people I've never even been in the same room with, somehow they knew enough about me—about my personality or style—that when they saw a little box that I had wrapped and sent to my colleague far away, it fit with who they knew me to be, and it clicked enough that they all noticed.

That kind of resonance doesn't just happen by accident. At least it doesn't happen by accident in a virtual world.

That moment of knowing, of being known and seen, only happens by pushing aside what can easily become the transactional nature of virtual teamwork, and making space to prioritize human connection through the screen. In a virtual world it takes intentionality (and sometimes a tiny bit of awkwardness) to take the minute or two on a call to connect about something aside from the task at hand.

For our gift exchange, one of our departmental leaders made up a get-to-know-you questionnaire that the pairs of gift-exchangers could fill out for each other or discuss over a virtual coffee chat. In doing so, he gave everyone the permission and encouragement to step out of their routine and get to know a co-worker a little better. So, when the time came for the gift exchange, there were always moments where it was clear that people were delighted to receive a gift that spoke to something about them.

Connection is built through the little conversations and hellos before getting down to business. And that knowing and being known is not not incidental to the work.

One of my core beliefs as a leader is that the way we work together affects what we create together, in all kinds of industries and fields. We work best when we see each other as whole people. And we’re more inclined to want to stay in employment with others who see us as whole people who are more than the work we do. Fostering that connection in virtual workplaces will always be key to the vitality of a vibrant work culture.

I work with leaders to help them build that kind of connectivity within their teams and organizations. If you would like to discover new ways that work for your specific context, you can get in touch with me here or DM me on LinkedIn. I’d love to partner with you to help build that sense of culture and belonging even through a screen.

Here's my favorite spinner tool to use for drawing names that comes with a little sprinkle of pomp and circumstance built in. What's great about this particular spinner is you can write something about each person to have pop-up on the screen after their name is selected (see the advanced settings next to each name to customize). I used to have a wonderful colleague who would write memorable facts, or funny attributable quotes for each person, and it just adds that extra something that makes a conference call feel intentional when you need it to.
Find it here: Wheel of Names